WARM HANDS

There she is with her scuff free shoes, shiny new stethoscope, perfectly ironed uniform--the nursing student I will be training.

I can see it in her eyes-- excitement, idealism, anticipation.

"Here, try to position the blood pressure cuff this way."  It suddenly comes back to me in flashes of images-- the first time I remember wanting to be a nurse:

Running errands with Dad, I must have been about four or five years old, when we stopped at the doctor's office .  As usual, with most kids, it came at the most inconvenient time,

 

"Can you take my little girl to the restroom?"

 

Who me??  He was asking this complete stranger to take me somewhere?  What was he thinking? 

 

She stopped and turned around--

 

"Sure, come on hon." 

 

Her hand felt warm----capable, strong, safe. 

 

I studied her out of the corner of my eye as she spoke in a soft reassuring voice,

 

"I will take you right back.  Now don't be afraid"

 

short, well trimmed, clean nails

 

a soft touch

 

knowing eyes

 

I liked her.  For some reason I knew I could trust her.

 

 

"Here you go, back to your Daddy.  Take care"

She looked directly in my eyes and stroked my hair.

 

"Who was that Dad?"

 

"Oh, that was the Nurse" 

 

Even at such a young age, I could sense she genuinely cared about me--someone she had just met, a total stranger.

 

 

 

 

"You want to position the bandage this way to cover the whole area."  I adjust it to show her.

 

"OK, this is so awesome.  I've never done a wrap like this before."

 

The tasks are usually learned quickly.

 

But how could I teach her the intangibles??

 

 

How could I prepare her for the most exhilarating as well as exhausting experience of her life??

 

 

 

How could I explain what it's like to be privy to the most exquisite highs--

 

     the birth of a baby

     seeing an amazing recovery after a serious illness

     watching a stroke victim walk out of the room after months of therapy

 

down to the deepest lows---

 

     being present at the devastating news that the cancer has returned

     watching someone take their last breath

     sitting with a family in silence as they mourn their loved one

 

of a person's life.

 

Would she want to hear the truth that a little piece of your heart stays with each person you take care of?.....

 

That you  may feel so helpless at times when everything has been tried that all you can do is pray and hope for the best.....

 

That sometimes you shed tears behind closed doors because as a professional you are supposed to keep it together.....

 

That it's a job that you will always love but occasionally hate because of the way it becomes part of your life, part of the person you are.....if you are doing it right....

 

 

 

No, there are no words to tell her.  She will have to live it--to grow, evolve, become, experience it on her own.

 

And may she always be graced with them...

 

 those hands

 

always warm,

 

open,

 

reaching

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



PRECIOUS GEMS

Walking through a crowd, it strikes me---I can see it --their brilliant colors

deep aqua

 

purples

 

greens

 

reds that fade into orange

 

blues

 

yellows

 

 

they glow like beautiful gems

 

 

 

 

 

But most people don't seem to realize it walking around in fog, trying to get by day to day -- unaware of the beautiful prisms and facets of colors they radiate.  How can't they see it?,   that they are so special?

 

Maybe it is the world we live in---school shootings, bombings, bullying, suicide, discrimination --- things that can cloud our vision and leave behind a feeling of hopelessness, fear and despair.

 

If only everyone could see clearly--- how they are so beloved, treasured, perfect.

 

Rich, poor, fat, skinny, light skinned, dark skinned, gay, straight, ........ all of us

 

 







 

WE ARE PERFECT

 

WE ARE LOVED

 

 

 

YOU ARE PERFECT

 

YOU ARE LOVED

 

 

 

 

YOU GLIMMER

 

YOU SHINE

 

 

 

 

YOU ARE PRECIOUS

 

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

 

 

 

(click on the link below)

 

YELLOW Coldplay

 

THE ANGEL GUARDIAN

I had heard a lot of stories about them over the years-- pulling someone out of danger at the last minute, appearing out of nowhere to help a stranded motorist, warning of something bad before it happens.  But I never actually saw one until that night.

It was late, after 10pm,  when I got the call

"Can you come out to the nursing home to start a line on Mrs. Mathews?  She is very sick and the doctor wants to try this last medication"

Ugh.  Already settled in for the night, I got up, dressed quickly and headed out for the 45 minute drive to the facility.

When I arrived, I just barely caught the nurse running by,

"It's been a crazy night.  She is down the hall to the far left!"

The room was dark and quiet as I entered.  There she lay, a tiny little body huddled under the blankets.  She appeared to be in a deep sleep---didn't even open her eyes as I got her ready for the procedure.

Concentrating on my task, I almost didn't notice the door to her room, how it was closing on its own after I opened it several  times.  Assuming it was a loose hinge, I finally propped it open  with a chair and got back to work. 



Working at the head of the bed, I first saw it out of the corner of my eye--a white glow standing at the foot of her bed.

 Close enough for me to touch, I could see it--- but I felt its peaceful presence more than anything.

 Powerful, steadfast, unwavering ---it was keeping vigil over her. I  sensed it was guarding her.  As I moved about the room, it would change position too but its focus stayed fixed on her.  It was as if I was an intruder in a very reverent place.  I quickly finished what I was doing and returned to the nurse's station.  

 I was curious about her background and asked the nurse sitting there....

"Oh, that's Mrs. Mathews.  She was a teacher around here for many years and took in lots of foster kids who needed help.  Everyone loved her"

She passed away that night.



Since that night, I've seen  angels in a different way --- no longer the sweet, whimsical, flighty spirits we usually think of. 

They are real beings ----                                                       
                                                                         

                                                                      

           Loyal warriors,  sentinels,  protectors, 

 

 

always present

 

 

never leaving our side

 

 

 they keep steady watch

 

 

 Our Angel Guardians.

                                                           

THE WHALE THING

So yeah, The Whale Thing.

Well, it happens to a lot of us, doesn't it?  Going about our life, busy with jobs, family, everyday things.  And then it suddenly hits---it could be a cancer diagnosis, the death of a loved one, a child's serious illness, infidelity, divorce--- and it turns our world upside down.

I knew her a long time ago--
your average person, minding her own business,  doing the best she could.  But when it happened, it took her breath away, left her life in chaos.

Kind of like the story of Jonah, she found herself stuck inside the whale:

                                                                        

                                                                             

    * Jonah was swallowed up by a great fish and was alive in the fish for 3 days and 3 nights. And Jonah said

"The waters compassed me about, even to the soul, the depth closed me round about, the weeds wrapped about my head"

Confined

 

Lost

 

 

Frightened

 

 

No way out

 

 

Like Jonah, she wondered  how she got there.  Down, down, down she went into the deepest part of the ocean, within the belly of the whale.
 

"Let me out!!"      "LET ME OUT!!!!!",   she cried and screamed over and over as she struggled and fought.  It seemed noone could hear her.
 

Confused

 

 

Alone

 

 

Deserted

 

 

But Someone was listening.  And in the stillness she was forced to stop and think.  Slowly, she began to hear a voice calling her name.  At first the voice was faint but the more she paid attention the louder and clearer it grew....
 

"I know the Way"
 

"I know the Way out"
 

"I can pull you out if you let me"
 

"Take my hand.  I will lead you to safety out of this place"
 

"Trust me"
 

"Trust me"

 

She really didn't have a choice.  With the last bit of her strength gone, she reached for his hand.  The grip felt strong but gentle.  He pulled her out and wrapped her in his arms. 
 

"I will never leave you or abandon you.  You will always be safe with me"
 

She relaxed in his arms, laid her head on his shoulder, and fell asleep.
 

Afterwards just like with Jonah, people said she was different, she had changed, there was something about her.....

Fearless, full of hope, cherished, she felt a freedom she had never known...



**"For see, the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. 

The flowers appear on the earth,

The time of pruning the vines has come,

And the song of the dove is heard in our land.

Arise, my beloved, my beautiful one, and come"



and I can tell you ----

  
LIFE OUTSIDE THE WHALE IS A WONDERFUL PLACE TO LIVE

(click on the link below)

INTO THE MYSTIC Van Morrison

*The book of Jonah 2:5

**Song of Songs 2:11-12







      



THE LEADER OF THE BAND

We hit it off right away.  Sometimes you meet people you just "click" with.  I guess you could say we were soul mates.

Genteel, soft spoken, distinguished--that was how he came across.  But it had nothing to do with his appearance.  In his middle 80s  -- silver haired,  gap toothed, walking with a cane, he was hardly a person people would notice.

Staying with a "semi" lady friend, a convenient arrangement for both, he had no home of his own.  And she frequently reminded him of that

"This is my house that my husband built for me when we were first married," she pronounced over and over to us both.

But it didn't bother him.  That's just how he was-  easygoing, appreciative of everything, never a bother to anyone.

During our visits together he would reminisce about where he had traveled, people he met, but mostly about how he was a singer and band leader during the war---never was quite sure how he got so lucky to be picked to perform at the Officers' Dinners.

I loved to imagine as he chatted away:

    
     Dressed in a tuxedo, playing the saxophone and singing he was center stage.  Beautiful flowing dresses and starched white uniforms crowded the dance floor as he played and sang well into the night.  Sparkling glasses full of fizzy cocktails lined the flower filled tables. Waiters whisked around carrying silver trays.

I could almost hear his smooth voice filling the dance hall.

He rarely played music now.  She didn't like it.  And it was her house, after all.

We became great friends,  talking, laughing at the same things, our mutual love of books.  He shared his secret for growing the perfect rose, reminded me to change my oil, made sure I had someone at home to take care of me. 

I loved listening to his stories as I checked his blood pressure and tended to him.




It was the sound of beautiful music that surprised me as I entered the house one morning-- turns out she was gone for an all-day appointment. 

The expression on his face was one of pure bliss as he listened with eyes closed.  He didn't even notice I was there for several minutes.     I knew he was back there again in front of the crowd.



Several months went by-- his condition began to worsen.  He was getting weaker and weaker.  I knew it wouldn't be long.


Not long after,  he called me one day

"Honey, can you come over?  I don't feel well".    I found him lying in bed, pale, weak, barely able to breathe.  The ambulance arrived shortly after.



That was the last time I saw him.

 I never got to tell him how much our friendship meant to me--but he knew---kindred spirits know those things


And in my mind he will always live on

                                            his sweet melody will live forever

(click on the link below)

Moonlight Serenade Glenn Miller Band

THE WHISPER

 

 

 

 

 

PURE

 

 

                                                                     

 QUIET 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

STILL

 

 

 

 

 

PEACE 

 

 

 

                                                                      WHISPER



 AFTER THE WIND THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE EARTHQUAKE.  AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE THERE CAME A FIRE, BUT THE LORD WAS NOT IN THE FIRE.  AND AFTER THE FIRE CAME A WHISPER.

AND THE LORD WAS IN THE WHISPER

 

 

 

1KINGS 19:11-13